2011年4月13日 星期三
Describing a person
Several days ago, I went to Canade with my friends. On our way to the destination, one of my friends was lost. These are some characteristics about her, and I hope you can give me a hand to look for her. She is a seventeen-year-old girl. She is about 160 centimeter hight, and she is slender. She has a pointed nose, big eyes, and white skin. She has long curl and blonde hair. She wore white T-shirt with flower pattern on it, miniskirt, and sneakers. Her earrings are heart pattern and her necklace is star pattren. On her right leg has a birthmark. I am anxious to look for her, so if anyone sees her, please call me as soon as possible.
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Several days ago, I went to Canade with ...
回覆刪除妳是不是要說"Canada"?
She is about 160 centimeter hight...
"centimeter"要加"s";
"hight"改成"tall"比較好。
She has long curl and blonde hair.
"curl"應該是"curly"。
She wore white T-shirt...
"wore"要用原形"wears"。
Her earrings are heart pattern and her necklace is star pattren. 我會寫:
She has a pair of heart earrings and a star-shaped necklace.
On her right leg has a birthmark.
"has"要改成"is"。
如有誤,請不吝嗇指教。
Canadaq拼錯了
回覆刪除On her right leg has a birthmark.這裡has應該改成is
然後加一些轉折詞會比較好一點
1.Several days ago, I went to Canade with my friends.
回覆刪除→Several days ago, I went to Canada with my friends.
2.These are some characteristics about her, and...
→Here are some characteristics about her, and...(個人覺得這麼改比較通順…)
3.She is about 160 centimeter hight...
→She was about 160 centimeter tall...
4.She has long curl and blonde hair.
→She had long curly and blonde hair.
5.She wore white T-shirt with flower pattern on it...
→She wore white T-shirt with flower patterns on it...
6.Her earrings are heart pattern and her necklace is star pattren.
→Her earrings were heart patterns and her necklace was star pattren.
7.個人認為,太多單句…有點像是一句一句個別的句子組成,加一點副詞或連接詞會比較好哦…另外,時態最好統一,不然會顯得有點不齊…
(以上,淺見…)
覺得句型可以變換一下^ ^
回覆刪除裡面的"she has..."重複了幾次
Canada拼錯摟:)
回覆刪除She is about 160 centimeter hight
回覆刪除centimeter要加s吧
hight是想要寫hieght
She wore white T-shirt with flower pattern on it
我覺得on it可以省略
文章中可以加一點轉折詞^^
Canade這是...哪裡(汗
回覆刪除centimeter要有S
以上
She is about 160 centimeter hight
回覆刪除公分要加s
那個hight要改成high
She has long curl and blonde hair
應該是curly
時態全部都改成過去式
應該會比較好