2011年4月13日 星期三

Describing a person

Several days ago, I went to Canade with my friends. On our way to the destination, one of my friends was lost. These are some characteristics about her, and I hope you can give me a hand to look for her. She is a seventeen-year-old girl. She is about 160 centimeter hight, and she is slender. She has a pointed nose, big eyes, and white skin. She has long curl and blonde hair. She wore white T-shirt with flower pattern on it, miniskirt, and sneakers. Her earrings are heart pattern and her necklace is star pattren. On her right leg has a birthmark. I am anxious to look for her, so if anyone sees her, please call me as soon as possible.

8 則留言:

  1. Several days ago, I went to Canade with ...
    妳是不是要說"Canada"?

    She is about 160 centimeter hight...
    "centimeter"要加"s";
    "hight"改成"tall"比較好。

    She has long curl and blonde hair.
    "curl"應該是"curly"。

    She wore white T-shirt...
    "wore"要用原形"wears"。

    Her earrings are heart pattern and her necklace is star pattren. 我會寫:
    She has a pair of heart earrings and a star-shaped necklace.

    On her right leg has a birthmark.
    "has"要改成"is"。


    如有誤,請不吝嗇指教。

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  2. Canadaq拼錯了
    On her right leg has a birthmark.這裡has應該改成is
    然後加一些轉折詞會比較好一點

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  3. 1.Several days ago, I went to Canade with my friends.
    →Several days ago, I went to Canada with my friends.
    2.These are some characteristics about her, and...
    →Here are some characteristics about her, and...(個人覺得這麼改比較通順…)
    3.She is about 160 centimeter hight...
    →She was about 160 centimeter tall...
    4.She has long curl and blonde hair.
    →She had long curly and blonde hair.
    5.She wore white T-shirt with flower pattern on it...
    →She wore white T-shirt with flower patterns on it...
    6.Her earrings are heart pattern and her necklace is star pattren.
    →Her earrings were heart patterns and her necklace was star pattren.
    7.個人認為,太多單句…有點像是一句一句個別的句子組成,加一點副詞或連接詞會比較好哦…另外,時態最好統一,不然會顯得有點不齊…
    (以上,淺見…)

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  4. 覺得句型可以變換一下^ ^
    裡面的"she has..."重複了幾次

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  5. She is about 160 centimeter hight
    centimeter要加s吧
    hight是想要寫hieght

    She wore white T-shirt with flower pattern on it
    我覺得on it可以省略

    文章中可以加一點轉折詞^^

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  6. Canade這是...哪裡(汗

    centimeter要有S
    以上

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  7. She is about 160 centimeter hight
    公分要加s
    那個hight要改成high

    She has long curl and blonde hair
    應該是curly

    時態全部都改成過去式
    應該會比較好

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