My name is Chen, Feng-jhu. There are five members in my family. My grandmother is an optimistic and kindly woman. When I make mistakes, she always tells me ”Never mind, as long as you can learn a lesson from it and correct it, you will be better.” I keep these words in my mind, when I make mistakes, I will correct them rapidly. My father is a mild man. He taught us with democratic ways. He lets us children choose what we want to do, and he will respect our decisions. He is also good at cooking. I really respect my father. My mother is a career woman. I always share everything with her. I think she is toilsome, because she has to work and do the housework. Sometimes I will help her do the housework. My elder brother has been to work, and he will teach me many things. He also treats me well. I am lucky to have this lovely family and I love my family very much.
He taught us with democratic ways.
回覆刪除不太懂為什麼要用過去式。
He lets us ... and he will respect our ... Sometimes I will help her ...
My elder brother ... and he will teach me ...
這三句我覺得用現在式比較好。
如有誤,請不吝嗇指教。
1.My grandmother is an optimistic and kindly woman.
回覆刪除→kindly→kind
2.He is also good at cooking.
→這句跟自傳內容不太有關聯,所以建議刪掉。
3.I think she is toilsome, because she has to work and do the housework.
→要有逗號的話,because要換成for。
4.My elder brother has been to work, and he will teach me many things.
→has been to work不明白妳的意思,has been working還是has worked?
5.He also treats me well.
→這句跟自傳內容不太有關聯,所以建議刪掉。
﹡小建議:因為妳有些句子離題,若真的要寫,可以寫成「因為……所以我在個性上……」這種因果關係,那樣的句子就不會顯得有些多餘……
(以上,淺見。)
He taught us with democratic ways. 這句突然變過去式了
回覆刪除還有像冠伶講的 可以多寫一點家人對你的影響
可以描述家人對自己的影響
回覆刪除像是哥哥有工作
可以說他有分享什麼工作經驗
從他的經驗你學到什麼